Wild flower

October 15, 2014

I've always felt the need to have control - to be in control of myself and my decisions.

I never liked it when people told me what to do and when I needed to do it. My mum would know best. I'm the kid who would deliberately sit in front of the television if she told me to go to my room to study. Oh, she would turn the TV off, but i would just continuously sit there and stare at the blank screen. That was the kid that I am. Horrid really.

I knew what I had to do, what was needed to be done and I was independent enough to do them on my own without being told. Chances are when someone reminds me about it, I'd have already done it.

Knowing that everything is going in perspective is comforting. I've done what I needed to do to get to where I need to be. Being in control of where I put myself, where I get myself, the goals I achieve.

Making myself happy. Knowing what to do to make myself happy. Taking the right steps in the right direction to chase my passion.

I don't want to be normal when I can do great things with great purpose. I don't want to do what everyone does, what everyone is told to do - get an education, a job, earn lots of money, get a family.

No, I got an education as a stepping stone to nourish my interest. Yes, I may be a poor scientist. Yes, I will dedicate my life to my career so others can have beautiful families. No, I will not be your typical geeky scientist, but I will be the asian with blonde hair and tattoos because I am being the best of me that I can be.

And this is why I make conscious effort to be emotionally unavailable. I'm just not the type who knows how to appreciate making decisions around someone else or have someone influence my decisions.

Being consciously aware of all the decisions I take to be the best that I can be. This, makes me happy. This gives me certainty. I am meant to be free to be the best that I can be.

If there is one character that truly inspires me is Cristina Yang from Grey's Anatomy.
If you don't know her, you should. Her passion for her field of work is so strong and she knows exactly what she wants and she's not afraid to go out and get it.

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